My Boyfriend Cannot Afford My Lavish Life-style. Ought to I Dump Him?

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Pricey Penny,

I’m debating my relationship due to materialistic issues: My boyfriend is just not drop-dead good-looking, and he isn’t financially lavish.

Nevertheless, he’s very decided and has began a superb wholesome way of life, workouts often and eats healthily since I’ve requested him to maintain himself. He’s very beneficiant when I’m with him and can at all times maintain the payments. He first ensures that I’m happy earlier than he spends on himself.

However he can’t get pleasure from life lavishly by touring a couple of instances a yr or residing in an even bigger condominium. He defined these to me from day one earlier than COVID-19, and it appeared that I accepted it. However now I really feel that his lengthy working hours don’t swimsuit my way of life, given what he earns.

I’m discovering it laborious that we are able to’t journey in the summertime. Nevertheless, he isn’t stopping me from touring and encourages me to go. However I don’t really feel like going with out him, and I hate the sensation that I’m disadvantaged as a result of he can’t get pleasure from what I can get pleasure from.

I have to determine: Is he the appropriate one in my life, or am I making a mistake? He’s in his early 40s and is only a yr older than me.

-F.

Pricey F.,

In case you dump this man for not being strikingly wealthy or GQ materials, you’ll do each of yourselves a favor. You’ll free your boyfriend to search out somebody who appreciates the great qualities you describe, like the truth that he’s hard-working and beneficiant. And also you’ll have the ability to search out somebody who meets your requirements, which can be impossibly excessive.

However I don’t need to mechanically dismiss your issues, as a result of I’m unsure they’re materialistic. Generally, two folks have clashing priorities. The way you spend your cash displays these priorities. It’s not materialistic to finish a relationship as a result of your priorities are an entire mismatch.

I’ll admit I cringed a bit at your description of your boyfriend’s look and incapacity to “get pleasure from life lavishly.” However I don’t suppose it’s unsuitable that you simply need to journey together with your boyfriend.

It isn’t stunning that this downside is surfacing now. A few years in the past, after we have been smack in the midst of COVID-19 lockdowns, human companionship was what so many individuals craved. So it is smart that you simply accepted your boyfriend’s way of life again then. Now that restrictions have eased, plenty of us are itching to return out and discover the world.

Context issues a lot right here. Particularly, I’m wondering simply how lavish these holidays you’re planning are. Most individuals don’t have the time or cash to journey first-class for a number of weeks on finish a number of instances a yr. That’s nice if you happen to can afford to take action, but it surely’s going to be laborious to search out somebody who can sustain. Then again, in case your boyfriend works 90-hour weeks but nonetheless gained’t funds the money and time for a trip, I can’t fault you for being dissatisfied.

I’m inquisitive about whether or not this can be a cash difficulty or an issue together with your attitudes about cash. It’s a cash downside if you wish to journey collectively however can’t foot the invoice for 2 folks. However if you happen to can’t stand the concept of footing a part of the invoice for a person you’re relationship, then it’s a cash angle downside. One factor that strikes me is the truth that he takes care of the payments (presumably while you exit), despite the fact that it sounds such as you’re higher off financially. In case you cut up issues equally at residence, would your boyfriend have the ability to journey extra?

Be sure you’ve communicated to your boyfriend simply how vital touring is to you. For instance, if you happen to regularly go to eating places or concert events, perhaps you might compromise by scaling again on these bills so that you’ll each have extra money for journey.

Clearly, I’m not going to let you know whether or not that is the appropriate man for you primarily based on a 200-word letter. However earlier than you determine what to do, be sure to’re clear with your self about what you’re on the lookout for.

Nobody individual can examine each single field. In case you discover somebody you’re suitable with, the percentages that your budgets will probably be an identical are slim. So contemplate the chance of truly discovering somebody who meets your standards.

It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend’s way of life or funds are going to vary any time quickly. It’s OK if you happen to determine to finish this relationship as a result of your priorities are out of sync. Nevertheless it’s not OK to weigh your boyfriend down with expectations he’ll by no means have the ability to afford.

Robin Hartill is an authorized monetary planner and a senior author at The Penny Hoarder. Ship your difficult cash inquiries to [email protected].

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Posted

July 6, 2022

Finance

Diana Wells

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